<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Deep Breaths by JaceofAllTrade</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521680">Deep Breaths</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceofAllTrade/pseuds/JaceofAllTrade'>JaceofAllTrade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:00:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceofAllTrade/pseuds/JaceofAllTrade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometime after he learns of their deaths, April heads back to their hideout.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>August &amp; Mikage Hisoka &amp; Utsuki Chikage, August &amp; Utsuki Chikage, Mikage Hisoka &amp; Utsuki Chikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Deep Breaths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks gekkagumi discord server for enabling me</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>April thought that it’d be just like in the movies.</p><p>He thought that after he learned of their deaths and went back to the hideout, he’d shove everything off the desk in anger. He thought he’d destroy the hideout, rip it to pieces, throw everything around until nothing was recognizable.</p><p>But he didn’t.</p><p>Instead, the moment he stepped into the hideout that was completely devoid of life—even himself, he didn’t feel alive anymore—April felt empty. He didn’t have the energy to do much of anything. He didn’t even lock the door.</p><p>He left it ajar and dropped his bag unceremoniously to the ground as he walked about the hideout. The place was cluttered in a way that resembled a home to a family—a family he didn’t have anymore—with books laying around and blankets unfolded and papers were strewn about and clothes littered in various places.</p><p>April didn’t have the energy to start cleaning like he used to before.</p><p>Continuing to walk around, April took stock of the entire place that he hadn’t lived in in so long because of the mission he was on previously. Every sight of marshmallow bags made his skin crawl but not enough for him to do something about it. He just felt… uncomfortable. Which was weird because he was pretty sure he was angry as fuck.</p><p>He wanted to separate everything, tidy the place up so he can no longer stare at the fluffy sugary concoctions as his mind reminded him, again and again, <i>“He’s a traitor. He betrayed you. He got August killed. Everything is his fault.”</i></p><p>But once again, energy seemed to be hard to come by at the moment as he dropped down onto the left side of the couch that used to hold three. August was usually in the middle while April was on the left and December on the right. They never had a conversation about whose side was whose, it just happened naturally. As did most things with them.</p><p>April released a breath and closed his eyes, trying to imagine their presences. But the thing with being gone for another mission for so long was that he had already started forgetting what it was like to live with the other two. And the thing that hurt the most with remembering was that every memory he'd had with August, December was there too.</p><p>He was supposed to hate him.</p><p>He was supposed to only be thinking about August.</p><p>But the three of them were so inseparable, he couldn’t recall memories of August without seeing December in the picture as well. He wanted to pull his hair in frustration. He wanted to erase December from his mind. He wanted to forego every remnant of his brother just so he could feel at peace.</p><p>His brother.</p><p>April closed his eyes.</p><p>
  <i>“You’re annoying and useless. You should just leave.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Too warm…”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hey, don’t cling to me, and don’t fall asleep!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“...zzz…”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“August, help me out here?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I think your brother is fine just where he is. You two need to learn how to get along anyway.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Brother?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“That’s right, April. You may not see it now, but you’re going to treasure him just like you treasure me.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Pfft, as if. I only need one brother and that’s you.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“One day you’ll know exactly what I mean.”</i>
</p><p>Opening his eyes, April somehow felt even emptier. Out of all the memories he could recall, why that one? From the corner of his eye, the door to August’s office caught his attention as April stood from the couch and crossed the room.</p><p>He reached out to push open the door but stopped himself as his breath hitched. Then, he withdrew his hand and held it close to his chest as he swallowed an impossible lump in his throat.</p><p>
  <i>“Hmmm, I wonder where April is hiding… maybe he’s under my desk… No, that can’t be. He hid there last time, there’s no way he’d hide there again. April, buddy, you here~”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“...”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Mmm, I guess not. So I won’t totally check under my—desk! Haha, found you!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ah wait! August, that tickles!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hehe good, this is what you get.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hah, August, s-stop!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Nope~ You lost the game fair and square.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Noisy…”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ah December, wanna play for a bit?”</i>
</p><p>Dropping down to his knees, April leaned heavily on the wall next to the door and sucked in breaths. <i>Breathe. Just breathe. Pull yourself together. You don’t have time for this. You’re supposed to be—</i> There was a beep suddenly as April rushed out a breath and turned to the source of the noise.</p><p>His backpack.</p><p>He didn’t have time for this.</p><p>Moving to stand, April wobbled for a moment and placed a hand on the wall to steady himself before taking a measured breath and pushing off the wall to head back to the front door and grab his backpack. On his way over though, he stumbled slightly and extended a hand out to quickly catch himself on the couch’s backrest. Grunting, April breathed and straightened himself. He was no good to the Organization if he continued to dwell, he needed to—</p><p>Eyes landing on where his hand was gripping the couch, April realized his hand was also grasping onto a jacket. A blue bomber jacket. <i>August’s</i> blue bomber jacket. Picking it up, April examined it and ran his thumb across the material, clenching his jaw and slowly releasing a breath.</p><p>Another beep from his backpack.</p><p>Looking over at his backpack then back at the jacket, April bit his bottom lip before setting the jacket back down and heading over to their armory to stock up on supplies. <i>Like what he was supposed to do at the beginning instead of reminiscing.</i> Once he was ready, he headed to the front door and picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder and pulling out his earpiece to put on.</p><p>“This is April, I’m heading out now. ETA: Thirty minutes.”</p><p>Opening the door, April would’ve left immediately if it wasn’t for his mind drifting back to the jacket, and so, he contemplated. He stood there for another two minutes before turning on his heel and walking back inside the hideout to grab the jacket, then left the room and building completely to head for his next mission.</p><p>After that, April wasn’t sure why he took the jacket with him everywhere.</p><p>He kept it nearby at all times until one day he actually just… put it on. He wondered briefly why, out of all of the things littered about the hideout that he eventually cleaned up—not August’s office though, he wasn’t going to touch anything in there—this jacket was specifically what he kept on him. April didn’t think much more about it when he realized it was probably the same reason he kept August’s ring and the serum August made on him at all times.</p><p>April didn’t understand what he was doing anymore.</p><p>It wasn’t until he was Chikage again, and sometime after officially joining Mankai Company did he slowly realize why he’d always brought that jacket with him.</p><p>“Senpai?”</p><p>Suppressing his surprise, Chikage turned and raised a brow at Itaru, “What, helping with our laundry now?”</p><p>Itaru chuckled and walked over to him, “No, I just forgot to hand you this jacket too. What were you thinking about?”</p><p>“Nothing important,” Chikage hummed and swiped his thumb over the DECE imprinted on August’s jacket.</p><p>“Somehow, I don’t believe that,” Itaru said while tossing his own jacket into the washer as Chikage laughed.</p><p>“Well, it’s just… I suddenly remembered how quickly December’s coming up.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Originally, this was supposed to be about the jacket and then it wasn't, but it's okay, it still ended with it jgkfdlhjfdkl</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>